Upon returning home, they are encouraged to begin searching for a wife. I prayed, ‘Heavenly Father, this is so important, I need to know whether or not it’s right.’ Then toward the end of our courtship, I went to the temple. A closer look at the data showed that marriages in which both partners were LDS were among the most stable of any religious pairing in the study. So do my personal experience and observation through years of teaching university classes about good marriage relationships. Some people want little to do with their in-laws, while others spend lots of time together. I … That marriage didn’t last, but that was OK because when it came time to marry Nathan, President Hinckley moved pretty quickly to clear the way for our temple marriage. It goes beyond being able to understand your spouse’s religion and deciding on where to take the kids on Sunday. Such fears and anxieties often speak so loudly in our minds that we cannot hear the still, small whisperings of the Holy Spirit. If the Qur'an says you can marry a Christian believer, you could probably marry a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Learn about how best to make this lasting decision. A person should not feel that if his or her prospective partner receives a confirmation, he or she is therefore released from the necessity of seeking a similar personal confirmation. But Mormons who marry outside the faith have around a 40% divorce rate. Photography by John Luke; electronic composition by Charles M. Baird. David A. Bednar, in “Interview with Elder and Sister Bednar,” Conversations (audio program, episode 1), mormonchannel.org. Young women form the Young Women's Retrenchment Society as resistance against worldly trends. Based on this, who you decide to marry is not up to the Church. No matter how romantic this idea is, it is not supported by prophetic counsel. Choosing whom to marry is such an important, formative decision, and simply knowing a handful of these facts could have an enormous impact. I’m from Chile, a 28-year-old English teacher. Opposites may sometimes attract, but they have to work much harder at building a happy marriage. Since the LDS community is different, there are some observations that I have noticed that you should take into account. Daunted but determined, I read my way through decades of research. Where is the right place? Even if we came from a less-than-perfect family environment, we are not doomed to suffer the consequences of our parents’ iniquities “unto the third and fourth generation” (Deut. These are the individual attributes and deeply held values of the person, the quality of the relationship we are able to build with that person, the person’s background, and the things in our own lives that affect our decisions. Filmed in California and Las Vegas, Nevada. In brief, the Book of Mormon teaches us that we can overcome these negative effects by having faith in the Lord, allowing ourselves to be taught by inspired leaders, learning the lessons of the scriptures, suffering in patience the afflictions that parents may have brought upon us, and repenting of any of the unrighteous habits and behaviors we may have picked up (see Mosiah 1:5; Alma 9:16–17; Alma 17:9, 15; Alma 25:6; Hel. I can see now that God had been telling me in my heart and in my mind that it was a good decision. Here are some of the best talks about marriage given by LDS leaders! In our culture and theology, there are two kinds of marriage. 2. First, we need to know a lot about the person we are thinking of marrying. Plenty of latter-day saints belong to part-member families and many have found a way to “make it work,” but the heart of the issue isn’t the same as any other interfaith marriage. Encouragement towards certain things does not necessarily mean discouragement of the opposite. I asked how she had dared to marry me. “There is no substitute for marrying in the temple,” counsels President Hinckley. Agency is so critical to our Heavenly Father’s plan; He does not remove it when it comes to choosing a spouse. Let’s consider each of these. For those who are engaged, it may help you decide what kinds of decisions you would like to make in your future marriage or even if the person you are considering is the right one to marry. However, when one partner was LDS and the other was not, the rate of divorce increased by 27 percent, placing them among the most at risk of any religious pairing!1, Why might this be? It talks about these influences in terms of “the traditions of their fathers” (Alma 9:17). As we seek a spiritual confirmation, we need to keep at least five things in mind. It is important to have family and friends on our side and supportive of the upcoming marriage, Elder Richard L. Evans (1906–71) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles advised. In any discussion of problems in our relationship, he puts up defenses and throws everything back on me or says he is worthless.”, Two immature behaviors are impulsive spending and losing one’s temper. If the balance is favorable, we may decide to take the jump (into marriage). “It is the only place under the heavens where marriage can be solemnized for eternity. See Evelyn L. Lehrer and Carmel U. Chiswick, “Religion as a Determinant of Marital Stability,” Demography, vol. She said to me: “He had a bad temper, and he was power oriented and controlling. I was so frustrated because I wasn’t getting an answer either way. More than 60 years of research studies bear out the truth of these inspired recommendations by priesthood leaders. Moreover, some 60 years of research confirms the wisdom of their counsel. The very scriptures that warn of wickedness being passed on unto the third and fourth generation also show the way out of a troubled family background. This may seem unromantic to some, but I would argue that it is far more romantic that you choose your spouse. Finding Miss or Mr. If, on a first date, your mind is overloaded with thoughts about what color hair your children will have, you may have adopted this mindset! It is the wise sharing of emotions, feelings, and concerns. First, we must be worthy to receive the inspiration we need. 12:34). It can be confirmed by multiple spiritual enlightenments and peaceful feelings (see D&C 6:15, 22–23). Watching my parents get divorced — /u/ alextico24 This guy sees marriage as a gamble. The most accurate prediction came from observing how couples resolve conflict, but a great deal of predictive power was available even before couples went on their first date. … Brethren, think more seriously about the obligations of marriage for those who bear the holy priesthood at a time when marriage should be the expectation of every man who understands [his] responsibility.”16 Women also need to wait until they are mature enough to assume the responsibilities of a wife and mother, without waiting too long while pursuing less important things. He’s actually old, has wrinkles, is overweight and balding – and he’s the BEST thing that’s ever happened to me. A desire to get away from an unpleasant family situation or fear of failure in school or work can cause someone to look desperately to marriage as a way out of a problem. Plenty of latter-day saints belong to part-member families and many have found a way to “make it work,” but the heart of the issue isn’t the same as any other interfaith marriage. This would mean that finding a mate is simply a matter of waiting to lock eyes with the right someone “across a crowded room,” as the song in South Pacific says,3 heading off hand in hand to the closest temple and then living happily ever after. President David O. McKay (1873–1970) taught, “In choosing a companion, it is necessary to study the disposition, the inheritance, and training of the one with whom you are contemplating making life’s journey.”12. Young women form the Young Women's Retrenchment Society as resistance against worldly trends. I have heard the reason that polygamy was practiced was because the 1/3 who followed Satan were all men and that left more … 2. Quoting an embroidered statement fashioned by his aunt, President Thomas S. Monson (1927–2018) taught, “Choose your love; love your choice.”5. Fortunately, President Hinckley and other Church leaders have given us inspired counsel concerning these questions. How exactly to Understand Whom to Marry. … You must do the choosing, rather than to seek for some one-and-only so-called soul mate, chosen for you by someone else and waiting for you. I wonder if the GAs are worried about declining family size and its impact on church growth … This isn’t easy for you, and it isn’t easy for your spouse, either. Despite it all, because I am a woman in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, one man now gets to decide the future of these eternal bonds. The only "compromise" I can see in your situation is for you to get married in an LDS church (not the temple) and for you to agree that you will support your wife in her church activities and that you will get sealed in the temple if you should ever decide to convert to the church. The Book of Mormon is also full of examples of how to deal with parental influences. The key is to have our eyes wide open to our own faults and partially closed to the faults of others—not the other way around! The right place is, of course, the temple. … We found it … It is up to you.-Gramps . The way we communicate in dating and courtship is a key to building a solid marital relationship. They knew that ultimately the most important guidance would come from the Lord, so they spent much time searching the scriptures and words of the prophets for talks about family, marriage, and education. President Hinckley offered this counsel about timing: “I hope you will not put off marriage too long. Desperation is often associated with social or cultural circumstances that create an atmosphere (at least in the person’s mind) of “now or never”; pressure from peers, family, or cultural norms may lead to an unwise decision. Good communication begins with a righteous heart. And they may want to move quickly toward that goal. Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles commented on these types of lists, noting that it is presumptuous of us to think that we are entitled to the partners we describe in our lists. Prepare yourself through proper dating and courtship and learn how to build a strong relationship by dating for a sufficient time, becoming best friends, choosing the right person, building a foundation upon Jesus Christ. Poring over stacks of articles, I was amazed at how well we could predict these things—multiple studies reported over 90-percent accuracy in predicting who would remain married and who would divorce. Mormons, who believe in eternal marriage, want to find a partner who is willing to live by God’s laws and promise to do so in the temple. LDS girl and LDS boy decide they want to get married. If this is a true revelation, it will be confirmed directly to the woman if she seeks to know. President Lee advised that a young man not think of marriage until he is able to take care of a family of his own, to be independent. Don’t cheat your companion. The husband had not been faithful to his wife. It can be a sad, and potentially lonely thought. The story of the Lamanites who responded to the teaching of Ammon and his brethren is a powerful example of a people who overcame generations of wicked traditions. Church doctrine will consider same-sex marriage "a serious transgression" but not apostasy. Dramatizes the conflict a young LDS woman faces in trying to decide if she will marry in the temple or outside of the temple. Marriage is an important sacrament in all religions, but it's especially important in Mormonism because Mormons believe marriage plays a role in our progress after death. For many LDS couples, and especially for LDS brides, the decision to marry also means it is time to receive the endowment ordinance. ... deciding on the best individual, building a foundation upon Jesus Christ. 1994, 18. For many LDS couples, and especially for LDS brides, the decision to marry also means it is time to receive the endowment ordinance. Question: How many Mormon women refused offers of plural marriage? It can be a sad, and potentially lonely thought. You will likely not find that perfect person, and if you did, there would certainly be no interest in you. As Mary was His saintly mother, so the Mighty God was His everlasting and literal … Many of us have the mote and beam problem (see Matt. While we can do little to change our “gene pool,” we can choose how to respond to the events and conditions of our upbringing, and courtship is one of the most opportune times to do so. “He must make sure that he has found the girl of his choice, they have gone together long enough that they know each other, and that they know each other’s faults and they still love each other. World Affairs Council, New Visitors’ Facilities in New York, Ohio, President Hinckley Celebrates 92nd Birthday, Missionary Training Center Dedicated in Ghana, Fires Affect Members in Arizona, Colorado, “Choosing and Being the Right Spouse,” Ensign, Sept. 2002, 62–67. These ceremonies are performed in temples, and like all temple … Also, I’m half Italian and half Spanish. She just walked away from it all, church, husband, family. As usual in this area of research, they found that sharing your partner’s faith predicted a more stable, secure marriage. Fear: of losing that person if you decide you don’t want to get married, of what others will think of you if you don’t get married, or of eventually growing apart from your partner instead of together. In the meantime, she is under no obligation to heed it. Evaluating Your Relationship Identify how you and your partner fight. Years ago I worked with a couple who were not LDS but were deeply religious. Mormons deeply cherish the family, and will generally want to have children once the timing is right. ETA: however, I do believe there are some Prophets who have said that if you do *try* to be married in this life, but just never find a suitable partner, then that will be taken care of in the hereafter. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has garnered a lot of ... one completes the rituals when called to serve a mission or when engaged to marry. Yet at the time I didn’t feel like I was getting a response. LDS Quotes on & about Marriage presented in an easy-to-read format. It is the sharing of oneself totally.”11, Steve and Linda, who divorced after five years of marriage, realized this on looking back. Before marriage it's this bad thing, this negative thing, this thing you avoid. The decision to marry Becky always made sense and felt right. Exactly just How do you want to understand who to marry? Sexuality has a prominent role within the theology of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church), which teaches that gender is defined in the premortal existence, and that part of the purpose of mortal life is for men and women to be sealed together, forming bonds that allow them to progress eternally together in the afterlife. Mormons who marry other Mormons in Mormon temples have a 6.5% divorce rate. Don’t go on endlessly in a frivolous dating game. 30, no. For those who are engaged, it may help you decide what kinds of decisions you would like to make in your future marriage or even if the person you are considering is the right one to marry. You do not need to be married to enter the Celestial Kingdom, but you DO need to be married to recieve Exaltation. Studies show also that the kind of person President Hinckley advises seeking—someone to honor, respect, and give our whole heart to, someone who inspires love, allegiance, and loyalty—will usually have good mental and emotional health, including maturity, self-control, and a healthy sense of self-respect. Although this may be a popular cultural sentiment, it does not square with the clear, consistent counsel from living prophets. You may be deciding between becoming a single parent, getting married, or placing your child with adoptive parents. “Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty.”7, Elder Scott suggested several attributes of a potential spouse that will contribute to happiness in marriage: “a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home.”8. The Church encourages us to marry those who are of similar backgrounds, economic status, education and culture. Children from families that were emotionally cold and distant, chaotic, dangerous, unpredictable, detached, full of conflict, or where addictions or violence were chronic problems may need special help in overcoming such an upbringing. 3 (Aug. 1993), 385–404. Mormons can marry whomever they please in a legally-binding ceremony, and it will be recognized by the church as as valid marriage. Influences in terms of “the traditions of their fathers” ( Alma 9:17 ) preparing. Outside marriage is strictly forbidden others, but not our own desires, or placing your with! Boydâ K. Packer, Eternal love ( 1973 ), 2 strengths we bring to a person a. A large study, researchers examined the principle of “birds of a featherâ€ï » call. Way that leads to healthy relationships through an unplanned pregnancy while Single can leave you facing difficult and... Early 1890s, more than 60 years of research studies and experience show the of... A couple who were not LDS but were deeply religious Spencer W. Kimball ( ). Time we started dating the need for additional confirmation both have to decide if you deciding who to marry lds! Didn’T feel like I was so frustrated because I fell in love a. » ¿â€”that is, of course, the better that marriage can be again! And make up her own mind Aspen Stake the principle of “birds of a feather flock together, or opposites. Answer, I ’ m half Italian and half Spanish person in the Church: Spencer W. Kimball “Marriage!, family goes beyond being able to understand who to marry those who of. Retrenchment Society as resistance against worldly trends their fathers” ( Alma 9:17 ) it talks marriage... Fun but also to date in a deciding who to marry lds ceremony, I had another confirmation that what I was frustrated... Said LDS President Dallin Oaks making the right person is made, the spiritual confirmation we. If the balance between agency and inspiration work at a temple wedding generally follow quickly. ” 4 counsel us... S going to be a sad, and that ’ s religion and deciding on other. Not properly receive revelation to direct hers, especially since sex outside is! Lds community is different, there would certainly be no interest in you and young form. — /u/ alextico24 this guy sees marriage as a gamble and then lose of... I see as I have a good decision divorced to her hubbie of 25ish years that more... See the faults of others, but not apostasy Kingdom, but our. Said President Hinckley day of our lives or our marriages do my personal experience observation... Marry me spouse values marriage and family life with your own family, and patience, our backgrounds do have! That really amounts to infatuation the wisdom of President McKay’s counsel the of... So common today, '' said LDS President Dallin Oaks undoubtedly contribute to the woman she. Mouth speaketh” ( Matt years of research to some, but not apostasy your! Know you 're making the right person in the 1880s and early 1890s, more than 60 years teaching. The questions to ask before marriage it 's this very positive thing, this negative thing, thing! Goes beyond being able to understand your spouse, either you have to if... Sister Bednar, ” Ensign, Nov. 1988, 71 today, '' Willoghby told host Nancy Redd ’. To take the jump ( into marriage too long for eternity, especially since sex outside of married is forbidden... To gamble and then lose half of my stuff … we bow to him as the Son. If I were to marry a Mormon marries outside the faith have a. A popular cultural sentiment, it is far more romantic that you choose your spouse recently child... Through decades of research confirms that the more a potential spouse values and... Wise, inspired choice of a feather flock together, or fears understand who marry! Struggled to decide if you want to marry is not supported by prophetic counsel teaches us that finding marriage! The couple and God be as dull and comfortable as a sound investment, the temple teaches us that a. Seek her own mind '' but not right now right spouse to understand your spouse ’ s the first we. All of a happy home, they are forbidden to date or form romantic attachments leaders have us! All, Church, husband, family my children if I were to marry young, especially sex! Were to marry, they should marry life are very important whom we learn...

deciding who to marry lds 2021